PsyD Alisa Ruby Bash defines pillow talk as “an intimate, authentic, unguarded conversation.” At the end of each day, it can be a way to talk things through, to go over challenges, and to get real about goals for the future. By hearing the opinion of someone you trust greatly, it can help confront your assumptions or relieve your doubts. But what if you’re alone in bed at night?
Our culture values partnership and romantic relationships very highly, if that wasn’t already clear by popular media. Movies, TV shows, books, and even the nightly news revolve around stories of couples and romantic partners. The media feeds us narratives of perfect couples sharing secrets between the sheets, igniting the hopeless romantic in many of us. The reality is that our personal relationship to ourselves and our self-development is not as highly valued or publicized in the media. Even without a sounding board at night to talk to, being alone can be a sacred time of great growth and transformation. There are several ways to reflect at night without a partner that can be even more transformative than regular pillow talk.
- Journaling- about whatever you want!
Journaling is one of the best ways to work through your thoughts at the beginning or end of each day. By physically putting a pen to paper, journaling allows you to manually sort through your thoughts and reconsider them in a new light. You can journal about the best and the worst things that happened to you that day, just like you might share with a partner. It’s a place where you’re able to be even more vulnerable than you might be with your spouse, because there is absolutely no outside judgment.
No clue what to write? Start with whatever you did that day. How do you feel about the day’s events? Did anything interesting, upsetting, or peculiar happen? Try digging into your emotions and emotional reactions, or simply recount the happenings of your schedule. No matter how deep you get, journaling has been proven to be an incredibly effective way to manage stress, improve immune function, keep memory sharp, boost your mood, and strengthen your emotional functions. And, you don’t need anything or anyone besides yourself, a pen, and some paper.
- Goal-setting
Each night in bed, it’s a great practice to set small, medium, and large goals for your life. You may want to complete all of your laundry tomorrow or accomplish a specific work task. You may want to read a new book, learn a new skill, or visit a new place. The simple act of setting goals can turn your focus towards the things you hope to achieve, and ignite a behavior change almost immediately. In small ways, you may subconsciously start working towards these goals without even realizing it, simply from the act of setting that bar.
While it may seem elementary, tonight before you go to sleep try mentally or physically listing out a set of small, medium, and large goals for your life in various areas. The benefits of goal setting are plenty, and we often let our lives slip away without direction, focus, clarity, or motivation to get where we want to be. Reflecting while alone on what you want your future to look like can help transform your personal development.
- Best Moment of the Day
World-renowned gratitude practice guidebook, The Magic, suggests trying to remember the best moment from the day each night before going to sleep. This causes a remembrance of all of the good and happy moments from throughout the day while trying to pick a favorite. By turning our attention towards the best parts of our day, we are subconsciously focusing on creating more positive energy and gratitude towards the happy parts of our lives. Humans are most susceptible to new information and subliminal practices right before going to sleep and right after waking up. Rather than tossing and turning in your sheets, trying restlessly to find sleep, try out remembering the best parts of your day. Gratitude practices like these can help you to find more peaceful and contented feelings before rest.
Pillow Talk(ing to yourself)
Whether you have a partner, live alone, or live with family members, nighttime reflection practices just before you go to bed have immense power. It’s a time of day that allows for reset and preparation before the next morning. No matter who is or isn’t beside you, nighttime can be a difficult period of self-reflection, growth, and loneliness. Channeling these feelings and energies into positive self-development is an effective way to combat negative nighttime emotions. By journaling, setting goals, and being grateful for the many blessings already in your life, you may start getting excited about your new nighttime routine.
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